So I went home, for a few weeks, got back to Germany and got really sick, the family went on vacation, I got a few good days with the kids, and all of the sudden I was packing again. My Au Pair experience is over.
There are so many things I'm still holding on to. So many good memories and so many mixed emotions. I don't really want to dwell on it anymore, so I think I'll just say this:
I loved being with my families. Both of them. My second family was completely wonderful. I don't think I can express to them how much I respect them individually and as a collective. I left in what felt like such a rush, personally racing towards something new, that I never did say it. I hope that some part of my appreciation for them existing translated through other actions and words. I always regret not saying a proper goodbye to someone you care for, and then realizing you might never see them again.
I've had a few weeks to really digest it all. And what keeps coming back to me is a funny comment or a great moment of inclusion or a night with the kids I'll treasure for always. I got a lot of those. More than I realized when I was trying to pack and train and re-plan Ireland.
Now I have my photos and journals, and in 10 years I can really look back and evaluate the process, but for now... I don't think I will. It's all still too fresh for me to be objective.
And that's it really.
Even thought this blog is called "The Rocky Road to Dublin" I think I'm done. If you want to hear about Ireland you can call me or write me or send a telegram (I've always wanted to receive a telegram). But for the general purpose of adding something to the Interwebs... that's really all you need to know.
Signing off,
Ellbow
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Showing posts with label America. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I'm a Witch Don'tcha Know?
One of the things I've noticed as a huge cultural divide between Germany and America is the traits parents aim to encourage in their kids. Where as I grew up being supported if not pushed in creativity, leadership and ingenuity, German kids are generally not. The school system seems to lean towards more Asian pedagogy: facts and accuracy are more important than participation or effort. Parents also seem to drive kids along a straight and narrow path. And the kids as a result, are often hesitant to break out of this zone.
I see this a lot when I'm helping with homework or studying. When they don't know the answer I give them time and then try to lead them through the logic to the correct answer. A German teacher or parent in the same situation may be more likely to give them the correct answer and revisit it later. In American schools this kind of route learning is frowned upon, or at least it was for me. The point is not to know that 6 times 7 is 42. The point is to know why 6 times 7 is 42 and not yellow or up or Cannis familiarus. Knowing that in this sentence I use "hers" and not "his" isn't as helpful as knowing why. But slipping into these methods and this pedagogy easily frustrates the Germans. In school it's important to know the answer, but not important to know the reasoning, so that's all they care about.
There are also ways that these different characteristics inhibit my daily interactions with the Germans. I'm a nerd. I like fantasy books and sci-fi television. My imagination runs wild when I'm sitting still. I dream and build crazy worlds in my spare time. And my bed time stories always involve a man named George and the curious things that happen to him. So when I forget myself and reason something with gibberish ("we can't go that way, the mud is clearly deep and poisonous and we will inevitably get stuck in it up to our waists while sword fighting ROUS's"), as I am apt to do spontaneously around anyone under the age of 13, the Germans tend to think I'm crazy.*
Through 3 months with a 3 and a 6 year old, and now with a 10 and a 15 year old, I've only managed to get a kid to accept that these are jokes, inventions, things to be played upon and developed using the creative side of our brains once:
The fam had made plans for me to take the 10 year old to a friend's after lunch one day of my first week here. The dad had me drive in the morning and showed me where the friend lived and the best way to get there and back. In the afternoon I was driving along with the boy, Luke, when he suddenly turned to me and asked "how do you know where we're going?" I nearly stumbled over it, explaining about the morning drive before I stopped: "Weil ich eine Hexe bin. Ich weiss alles!" (Because I'm a witch. I know everything!). Luke looked at me a little hesitantly, accepted that I was kidding and I thought that was the end of it. Well, actually what I thought was Damn! Another kid who will never defend the play structure from dragons, or make up a secret language, or invent stories while we go on walks. But then about a week later, sitting at the dinner table I answered a question put to the group about the schedule or some such mundane thing, and the mom asked me how in the world I knew that. Luke piped up before I could, simply saying "Because she's a witch." and we both cleared our plates and left the room giggling.
I don't know if valuing one set of character traits in a population is better than another. I don't know if any country raises better kids than any other. I do know that I value leadership skills (listening, decision making and group/activity facilitation) over passiveness or following. I value creativity in logic or art over the "correct answer" or the "correct way". And I value an open-mindedness and acceptance of a plurality over a straight and narrow path. But I think that part of holding those values is knowing that neither the American nor the German way of raising kids is the right way if only because there is no right way. These kids are who they are, only partially a result of the society they were raised in. I wish they understood my sense of humor a little better. But I here that no one really understands my sense of humor. So I guess the best I can do is try to learn who they are and teach them who I am, and both become a little more pluralist in the process.
*Because this is something new. Americans never think I'm crazy.
I see this a lot when I'm helping with homework or studying. When they don't know the answer I give them time and then try to lead them through the logic to the correct answer. A German teacher or parent in the same situation may be more likely to give them the correct answer and revisit it later. In American schools this kind of route learning is frowned upon, or at least it was for me. The point is not to know that 6 times 7 is 42. The point is to know why 6 times 7 is 42 and not yellow or up or Cannis familiarus. Knowing that in this sentence I use "hers" and not "his" isn't as helpful as knowing why. But slipping into these methods and this pedagogy easily frustrates the Germans. In school it's important to know the answer, but not important to know the reasoning, so that's all they care about.
There are also ways that these different characteristics inhibit my daily interactions with the Germans. I'm a nerd. I like fantasy books and sci-fi television. My imagination runs wild when I'm sitting still. I dream and build crazy worlds in my spare time. And my bed time stories always involve a man named George and the curious things that happen to him. So when I forget myself and reason something with gibberish ("we can't go that way, the mud is clearly deep and poisonous and we will inevitably get stuck in it up to our waists while sword fighting ROUS's"), as I am apt to do spontaneously around anyone under the age of 13, the Germans tend to think I'm crazy.*
Through 3 months with a 3 and a 6 year old, and now with a 10 and a 15 year old, I've only managed to get a kid to accept that these are jokes, inventions, things to be played upon and developed using the creative side of our brains once:
The fam had made plans for me to take the 10 year old to a friend's after lunch one day of my first week here. The dad had me drive in the morning and showed me where the friend lived and the best way to get there and back. In the afternoon I was driving along with the boy, Luke, when he suddenly turned to me and asked "how do you know where we're going?" I nearly stumbled over it, explaining about the morning drive before I stopped: "Weil ich eine Hexe bin. Ich weiss alles!" (Because I'm a witch. I know everything!). Luke looked at me a little hesitantly, accepted that I was kidding and I thought that was the end of it. Well, actually what I thought was Damn! Another kid who will never defend the play structure from dragons, or make up a secret language, or invent stories while we go on walks. But then about a week later, sitting at the dinner table I answered a question put to the group about the schedule or some such mundane thing, and the mom asked me how in the world I knew that. Luke piped up before I could, simply saying "Because she's a witch." and we both cleared our plates and left the room giggling.
I don't know if valuing one set of character traits in a population is better than another. I don't know if any country raises better kids than any other. I do know that I value leadership skills (listening, decision making and group/activity facilitation) over passiveness or following. I value creativity in logic or art over the "correct answer" or the "correct way". And I value an open-mindedness and acceptance of a plurality over a straight and narrow path. But I think that part of holding those values is knowing that neither the American nor the German way of raising kids is the right way if only because there is no right way. These kids are who they are, only partially a result of the society they were raised in. I wish they understood my sense of humor a little better. But I here that no one really understands my sense of humor. So I guess the best I can do is try to learn who they are and teach them who I am, and both become a little more pluralist in the process.
*Because this is something new. Americans never think I'm crazy.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Graduation Party
Yesterday was my last night in America, so we had a party (well a bon voyage and a graduation party). It was good, low key and fun. Pictures below.
Music:
Home by Edward Sharp & The Magnetic Zeros
Love on Top by Beyonce
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding
Lover, Lover by Jerrod Niemann
Music:
Home by Edward Sharp & The Magnetic Zeros
Love on Top by Beyonce
Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding
Lover, Lover by Jerrod Niemann
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