One Hundered and Elvensies

Today is day 111 until graduation. I'm looking at plane tickets, scheduling flights, planning out Canada, and then getting back to all the work I have to do in the next 111 days.

Let the countdown commence.

Things coming soon:
Shopping
International Credit Cards
Picking an Au Pair family you can stick with
The Contract process
Visas and travel
12 trips in 12 months
Packing for 12 months in 1 bag

For now:

The Anticipation of Nostalgia

I made the mistake of using my break today to watch the final episode of Gilmore Girls. 45 minutes of crying later... I'm finally realizing how hard leaving and graduating and actually growing up is going to be. I'm 95% sure that I've found my Au Pair family, and with my #1 choice of grad school application complete I'm hoping for a 14 month timeline. That is, if I get into my top choice I'll be with this family for 12 months and traveling for 2 months after that before moving to New York. It's exhilarating and happy and absolutely terrifying. The fear comes in waves, like psychological nausea: I'm going to move across the world, live with people who I've never met, travel to places I haven't even seen pictures of, I'm not going to see my parents in person for 14 months, I won't know anyone where I'm going, I don't really speak the language, I'm going to miss Christmas and birthdays and 2 Fourth of July's.

I haven't been able to make my brain wrap around the idea of applying for graduation yet. Staving off senioritis and all. But I have to plan for Germany and Canada and the next year now, it's unavoidable and incredibly painful.

I know that it will be better and more difficult than I can possibly imagine. Logic tells me that the memories will be divine. But my innate humanness--the part of me that always yearns for home and wants things to stay the same because change is scary--she's mourning saying goodbye to the people I love for so long. And so I sit here and watch Rory Gilmore graduate, get a job and leave and I can't help but cry in anticipation of the things I will one day leave behind.

It's quite a large cliff to jump off of. You know?