So I'm going to London on Thursday, and despite being miserably ill for the last two days I am incredibly pumped right now. I've never been to London, unless you count a starbucks stop at the Heathrow Airport.
This trip has been a lot of backwards planning. But in the end, even though it hasn't been the best prepared trip, this might be one of the most exciting weekends of my life.
I'm sure there will be 2 to 4 blog posts about it when I get back, but for now I'm signing off for the week with just a few words:
Doctor Who Celebration, Doctor Who 50th in 3-D, couch surfing meet ups, and Les Mis with Carrie Fletcher.
If any one of my college friends is not dying of jealousy right now I don't think they're aware of their own emotions.
Monday, November 18, 2013
Sunday, November 17, 2013
I'm a Witch Don'tcha Know?
One of the things I've noticed as a huge cultural divide between Germany and America is the traits parents aim to encourage in their kids. Where as I grew up being supported if not pushed in creativity, leadership and ingenuity, German kids are generally not. The school system seems to lean towards more Asian pedagogy: facts and accuracy are more important than participation or effort. Parents also seem to drive kids along a straight and narrow path. And the kids as a result, are often hesitant to break out of this zone.
I see this a lot when I'm helping with homework or studying. When they don't know the answer I give them time and then try to lead them through the logic to the correct answer. A German teacher or parent in the same situation may be more likely to give them the correct answer and revisit it later. In American schools this kind of route learning is frowned upon, or at least it was for me. The point is not to know that 6 times 7 is 42. The point is to know why 6 times 7 is 42 and not yellow or up or Cannis familiarus. Knowing that in this sentence I use "hers" and not "his" isn't as helpful as knowing why. But slipping into these methods and this pedagogy easily frustrates the Germans. In school it's important to know the answer, but not important to know the reasoning, so that's all they care about.
There are also ways that these different characteristics inhibit my daily interactions with the Germans. I'm a nerd. I like fantasy books and sci-fi television. My imagination runs wild when I'm sitting still. I dream and build crazy worlds in my spare time. And my bed time stories always involve a man named George and the curious things that happen to him. So when I forget myself and reason something with gibberish ("we can't go that way, the mud is clearly deep and poisonous and we will inevitably get stuck in it up to our waists while sword fighting ROUS's"), as I am apt to do spontaneously around anyone under the age of 13, the Germans tend to think I'm crazy.*
Through 3 months with a 3 and a 6 year old, and now with a 10 and a 15 year old, I've only managed to get a kid to accept that these are jokes, inventions, things to be played upon and developed using the creative side of our brains once:
The fam had made plans for me to take the 10 year old to a friend's after lunch one day of my first week here. The dad had me drive in the morning and showed me where the friend lived and the best way to get there and back. In the afternoon I was driving along with the boy, Luke, when he suddenly turned to me and asked "how do you know where we're going?" I nearly stumbled over it, explaining about the morning drive before I stopped: "Weil ich eine Hexe bin. Ich weiss alles!" (Because I'm a witch. I know everything!). Luke looked at me a little hesitantly, accepted that I was kidding and I thought that was the end of it. Well, actually what I thought was Damn! Another kid who will never defend the play structure from dragons, or make up a secret language, or invent stories while we go on walks. But then about a week later, sitting at the dinner table I answered a question put to the group about the schedule or some such mundane thing, and the mom asked me how in the world I knew that. Luke piped up before I could, simply saying "Because she's a witch." and we both cleared our plates and left the room giggling.
I don't know if valuing one set of character traits in a population is better than another. I don't know if any country raises better kids than any other. I do know that I value leadership skills (listening, decision making and group/activity facilitation) over passiveness or following. I value creativity in logic or art over the "correct answer" or the "correct way". And I value an open-mindedness and acceptance of a plurality over a straight and narrow path. But I think that part of holding those values is knowing that neither the American nor the German way of raising kids is the right way if only because there is no right way. These kids are who they are, only partially a result of the society they were raised in. I wish they understood my sense of humor a little better. But I here that no one really understands my sense of humor. So I guess the best I can do is try to learn who they are and teach them who I am, and both become a little more pluralist in the process.
*Because this is something new. Americans never think I'm crazy.
I see this a lot when I'm helping with homework or studying. When they don't know the answer I give them time and then try to lead them through the logic to the correct answer. A German teacher or parent in the same situation may be more likely to give them the correct answer and revisit it later. In American schools this kind of route learning is frowned upon, or at least it was for me. The point is not to know that 6 times 7 is 42. The point is to know why 6 times 7 is 42 and not yellow or up or Cannis familiarus. Knowing that in this sentence I use "hers" and not "his" isn't as helpful as knowing why. But slipping into these methods and this pedagogy easily frustrates the Germans. In school it's important to know the answer, but not important to know the reasoning, so that's all they care about.
There are also ways that these different characteristics inhibit my daily interactions with the Germans. I'm a nerd. I like fantasy books and sci-fi television. My imagination runs wild when I'm sitting still. I dream and build crazy worlds in my spare time. And my bed time stories always involve a man named George and the curious things that happen to him. So when I forget myself and reason something with gibberish ("we can't go that way, the mud is clearly deep and poisonous and we will inevitably get stuck in it up to our waists while sword fighting ROUS's"), as I am apt to do spontaneously around anyone under the age of 13, the Germans tend to think I'm crazy.*
Through 3 months with a 3 and a 6 year old, and now with a 10 and a 15 year old, I've only managed to get a kid to accept that these are jokes, inventions, things to be played upon and developed using the creative side of our brains once:
The fam had made plans for me to take the 10 year old to a friend's after lunch one day of my first week here. The dad had me drive in the morning and showed me where the friend lived and the best way to get there and back. In the afternoon I was driving along with the boy, Luke, when he suddenly turned to me and asked "how do you know where we're going?" I nearly stumbled over it, explaining about the morning drive before I stopped: "Weil ich eine Hexe bin. Ich weiss alles!" (Because I'm a witch. I know everything!). Luke looked at me a little hesitantly, accepted that I was kidding and I thought that was the end of it. Well, actually what I thought was Damn! Another kid who will never defend the play structure from dragons, or make up a secret language, or invent stories while we go on walks. But then about a week later, sitting at the dinner table I answered a question put to the group about the schedule or some such mundane thing, and the mom asked me how in the world I knew that. Luke piped up before I could, simply saying "Because she's a witch." and we both cleared our plates and left the room giggling.
I don't know if valuing one set of character traits in a population is better than another. I don't know if any country raises better kids than any other. I do know that I value leadership skills (listening, decision making and group/activity facilitation) over passiveness or following. I value creativity in logic or art over the "correct answer" or the "correct way". And I value an open-mindedness and acceptance of a plurality over a straight and narrow path. But I think that part of holding those values is knowing that neither the American nor the German way of raising kids is the right way if only because there is no right way. These kids are who they are, only partially a result of the society they were raised in. I wish they understood my sense of humor a little better. But I here that no one really understands my sense of humor. So I guess the best I can do is try to learn who they are and teach them who I am, and both become a little more pluralist in the process.
*Because this is something new. Americans never think I'm crazy.
Thursday, November 14, 2013
What to do with your family once you've left
If you've read the posts from about 2 months ago you'll know that I had a few really awful weeks with my first family that ultimately ended with me leaving. At the time they said they wouldn't be looking to get another Au Pair and I thought this was a good idea because they certainly didn't need or want me in their family and no one should move across the world to live like that.
But in keeping tabs on them today I discovered that they are seeking another Au Pair. And I have no idea how to react to it. Mainly because I have zero recourse in the matter.
This was a family I worked hard to be a part of, I didn't fit with them, I left and on not so good terms. I have a lot of frustration and concern about their search for a new Au Pair. It's a bit like going through an uncomfortable break up, where no matter how mutual it is, when you meet the person they're dating now you feel an uncontrollable urge to chase them down the street shouting "WARNING!" at the top of your lungs. You've been there, it sucked, you want to inform others that they should not go there unless ready to face x, y, and z.
Ultimately, even if I had a way to comment on their profile or get in touch with their fresh applicants I know it wouldn't do much good. Like the current girl friend who is warned by the ex, most would brush it off as that crazy Au Pair they had before who was just really not a good person and probably unstable. But I wish that I could let them know just the same.
It's a really difficult thing, being an Au Pair. You're not part of the family, but you're there all the time just like an older sibling. You're integral to the functioning of the household (hopefully) and yet totally replaceable. You know this family today, better than anyone, but if you left tomorrow they wouldn't belong to you or exist by your description any longer. It's especially difficult to be an Au Pair when things aren't going so well or you are about to leave, when all of these things are true in the same moment.
Sometimes I wish I had listened to my dad, gone straight to grad school and was busy teaching in a New York public school right this moment. This isn't easy, it's more difficult than I thought it would be. I can only hope that when you're paired with the right family, the end result is worth a year of turmoil.
By the by, if I could add an amendment to Tina and Mike's profile it would go like this:
"I spent 3 months living with the (family name omitted)'s and getting to know all four of them quite well. They are a loud and vivacious bunch who are certainly true to their Bavarian roots. I think the only affects 4 years living in the states had on them is that Mike bakes the family's bread and all have a propensity for Cars. I decided to leave this family, ending my contract early, after Tina told me that I wasn't fitting in well and she didn't think she could live with me. 90% of this I chalk up to a bad match made by all of us. I am a quiet person, though rowdy and playful with kids, I like reading, I need alone time, I take daily walks because my head gets clogged with thoughts, and I enjoy observing and listening at the dinner table more than talking. I am generally emotionally reserved. And the cherry on the cake? I am confident being this person, because this is the true me. Now take that description, flip it on it's head and that's Tina. You can see how this would be a bad fit.
"If you're looking to join this family I would make a few suggestions as to who you are: talkative, with everyone, all the time, day and night; a work in progress as a person--maybe it's your first time away from home, your first time in a foreign country, you don't speak the language, some insecurity that can be a project for you and Tina to bond over; love, love, love really little kids--every single child I met in Germany acts 2-3 years younger than their American equivalent, so if you're used to American independent 6 year olds be prepared for a 4 year old; and finally I would say that this family would work best with someone who is very open about their emotions, happy, smiling and bubbly the vast majority of the time, not at all concerned with crying in front of the whole family, and who displays every emotion readily on their face. If you fit that description you will likely find yourself having the easiest job in the world with this family."
But in keeping tabs on them today I discovered that they are seeking another Au Pair. And I have no idea how to react to it. Mainly because I have zero recourse in the matter.
This was a family I worked hard to be a part of, I didn't fit with them, I left and on not so good terms. I have a lot of frustration and concern about their search for a new Au Pair. It's a bit like going through an uncomfortable break up, where no matter how mutual it is, when you meet the person they're dating now you feel an uncontrollable urge to chase them down the street shouting "WARNING!" at the top of your lungs. You've been there, it sucked, you want to inform others that they should not go there unless ready to face x, y, and z.
Ultimately, even if I had a way to comment on their profile or get in touch with their fresh applicants I know it wouldn't do much good. Like the current girl friend who is warned by the ex, most would brush it off as that crazy Au Pair they had before who was just really not a good person and probably unstable. But I wish that I could let them know just the same.
It's a really difficult thing, being an Au Pair. You're not part of the family, but you're there all the time just like an older sibling. You're integral to the functioning of the household (hopefully) and yet totally replaceable. You know this family today, better than anyone, but if you left tomorrow they wouldn't belong to you or exist by your description any longer. It's especially difficult to be an Au Pair when things aren't going so well or you are about to leave, when all of these things are true in the same moment.
Sometimes I wish I had listened to my dad, gone straight to grad school and was busy teaching in a New York public school right this moment. This isn't easy, it's more difficult than I thought it would be. I can only hope that when you're paired with the right family, the end result is worth a year of turmoil.
By the by, if I could add an amendment to Tina and Mike's profile it would go like this:
"I spent 3 months living with the (family name omitted)'s and getting to know all four of them quite well. They are a loud and vivacious bunch who are certainly true to their Bavarian roots. I think the only affects 4 years living in the states had on them is that Mike bakes the family's bread and all have a propensity for Cars. I decided to leave this family, ending my contract early, after Tina told me that I wasn't fitting in well and she didn't think she could live with me. 90% of this I chalk up to a bad match made by all of us. I am a quiet person, though rowdy and playful with kids, I like reading, I need alone time, I take daily walks because my head gets clogged with thoughts, and I enjoy observing and listening at the dinner table more than talking. I am generally emotionally reserved. And the cherry on the cake? I am confident being this person, because this is the true me. Now take that description, flip it on it's head and that's Tina. You can see how this would be a bad fit.
"If you're looking to join this family I would make a few suggestions as to who you are: talkative, with everyone, all the time, day and night; a work in progress as a person--maybe it's your first time away from home, your first time in a foreign country, you don't speak the language, some insecurity that can be a project for you and Tina to bond over; love, love, love really little kids--every single child I met in Germany acts 2-3 years younger than their American equivalent, so if you're used to American independent 6 year olds be prepared for a 4 year old; and finally I would say that this family would work best with someone who is very open about their emotions, happy, smiling and bubbly the vast majority of the time, not at all concerned with crying in front of the whole family, and who displays every emotion readily on their face. If you fit that description you will likely find yourself having the easiest job in the world with this family."
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Funny Conversations
My German is getting better. Remarkably so. But every once in awhile there's a false cognate that totally trips me up like "Indianer" which sounds a lot like "Indiana" when said with a proper German accent.
This is how I found out:
M: "I was in New York once, I did a whole trip in... when was it?"
P: "2007. I was in the fourth class."
M: "Right you were doing a report on Indianer and I brought back buffalo meat for the class."
P: "Yep."
Me: "...ummm... I don't think there are buffalo in Indiana."
All the Germans laugh at me.
Nothing like a stupid American to lighten up a dinner party!
This is how I found out:
M: "I was in New York once, I did a whole trip in... when was it?"
P: "2007. I was in the fourth class."
M: "Right you were doing a report on Indianer and I brought back buffalo meat for the class."
P: "Yep."
Me: "...ummm... I don't think there are buffalo in Indiana."
All the Germans laugh at me.
Nothing like a stupid American to lighten up a dinner party!
Saturday, November 9, 2013
Halloween in Germany
Halloween stopped being all that exciting for me when I was 13 and my dad told me I couldn't go trick-or-treating anymore because I was too old. So while my friends went around the neighborhood collecting candy from strangers I started a new tradition: stay at home and watch Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein with your finger on the pause button, jumping up every 5 minutes to answer the door and hand out candy to appropriately aged children. After 9 years of this I can mouth every joke along with the film. But if there's one kind of comedy that doesn't translate to German it's Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein. Double entendre directly translated into another language and based around a collection of colloquialisms some how isn't funny.
But despite having my family tradition crumble around me I was determined to bring a little American to this holiday. I'll do Christmas their way, they had it first. But Thanksgiving and Halloween are from North America, post hoc, ergo propter hoc: my deal.
Thankfully American Halloween has somewhat seeped into German culture already (Thanksgiving I'm going to have to build from the ground up).
The kids carve pumpkins every year--we just had to work on the idea that carving pumpkins is something best done on the kitchen floor and pumpkin seeds are for saving, baking and eating.
I did manage to convince them that in absence of decorations we would have to decorate sugar cookies, which went over remarkably well and which were gone remarkable quickly (I sent half of them home with the friend who came over to decorate with us).
Costumes are a part of German Halloween already, but they choose their costumes the day before from whatever they can find around. There are decidedly no party stores in Germany, and costume stores? Forget about it! But even the parents got in on the action: a group of the adults dressed up and went to a Scottish bar apparently. At least this was the justification I was given as to why everyone got home so late and was singing "Loch Lomond" in the morning. The one thing markedly absent: skimpy costumes. Everyone I saw was well layered and wearing gloves because it's cold here and they are reasonable people.
There is one thing adorable about German Halloween that I wish Americans would adopt: they don't say "trick or treat". Instead the group of kids or one kid comes up with an original poem or rhyme that says something about their costume and their desire for candy. I didn't understand what they were saying at all, but they did work for their chocolate and it was totally adorable.
The one thing German Halloween is totally missing out on: Halloween movies. They have the Disney channel, they have R.L. Stein, but they don't show Halloween movies even on the telly, even on Halloween. This seems a terrible waste to me, especially as someone has gone through the trouble of properly dubbing Hocus Pocus for German children.
All in all Halloween went by in a fairly normal way. I brought in a little more American to the holiday, then failed to do anything on the actual day and ended up turning off all the lights on the first floor and playing guitar because I didn't understand I was being left at home to hand out candy to groups of rhyming German children.
But despite having my family tradition crumble around me I was determined to bring a little American to this holiday. I'll do Christmas their way, they had it first. But Thanksgiving and Halloween are from North America, post hoc, ergo propter hoc: my deal.
Thankfully American Halloween has somewhat seeped into German culture already (Thanksgiving I'm going to have to build from the ground up).
The kids carve pumpkins every year--we just had to work on the idea that carving pumpkins is something best done on the kitchen floor and pumpkin seeds are for saving, baking and eating.
 |
| All the time Prim was carving this one I couldn't stop singing "this is Halloween, this is Halloween" which they apparently play on repeat in Europa Park (the Disney Land of Germany) |
I did manage to convince them that in absence of decorations we would have to decorate sugar cookies, which went over remarkably well and which were gone remarkable quickly (I sent half of them home with the friend who came over to decorate with us).
 |
| Cookies |
 |
| More cookies |
 |
| Favorite cookie. It was delicious. |
Costumes are a part of German Halloween already, but they choose their costumes the day before from whatever they can find around. There are decidedly no party stores in Germany, and costume stores? Forget about it! But even the parents got in on the action: a group of the adults dressed up and went to a Scottish bar apparently. At least this was the justification I was given as to why everyone got home so late and was singing "Loch Lomond" in the morning. The one thing markedly absent: skimpy costumes. Everyone I saw was well layered and wearing gloves because it's cold here and they are reasonable people.
There is one thing adorable about German Halloween that I wish Americans would adopt: they don't say "trick or treat". Instead the group of kids or one kid comes up with an original poem or rhyme that says something about their costume and their desire for candy. I didn't understand what they were saying at all, but they did work for their chocolate and it was totally adorable.
The one thing German Halloween is totally missing out on: Halloween movies. They have the Disney channel, they have R.L. Stein, but they don't show Halloween movies even on the telly, even on Halloween. This seems a terrible waste to me, especially as someone has gone through the trouble of properly dubbing Hocus Pocus for German children.
All in all Halloween went by in a fairly normal way. I brought in a little more American to the holiday, then failed to do anything on the actual day and ended up turning off all the lights on the first floor and playing guitar because I didn't understand I was being left at home to hand out candy to groups of rhyming German children.
Friday, November 8, 2013
Lazy Days
For those family and friends who get nervous when I don't write a blog post or tweet for several days, let me just say I am alive, and oh so lazy. The German word for lazy is faul and is pronounced like "fowl". It really is a perfect word. So after I finish my chore for the day: cleaning the floors; I promise to curl up in bed, download recent photos, and write blog posts.
Ja. Okay. Entschuldigung alle! Nur dass ich so faul bin. Bis gleich.
Ja. Okay. Entschuldigung alle! Nur dass ich so faul bin. Bis gleich.
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