Tomorrow morning I have a skype date with my family and I'll finally get to meet my boys! I think with these plans I'm starting to move out of the college phase and into the real life thing. If I finish packing my apartment tonight, then I will be 9 items away from being able to move, 8 days until I fly, and 3 days until graduation!
These 10 days are certainly the strangest in the whole process. I have stuff to do: work, errands, the like. But school's over so all I really want to do is watch "Sex and the City" reruns. And yet, it's all going to be over so soon. Thank goodness for short transition periods.
Happy US Open First Day!
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
9 Days Left
I took a break today (shocking I know!) and watched the movie "Freedom Writers" with Hilary Swank. It's a teaching movie I've been avoiding for several years now because I worried that it would portray a one-side-of-hopeful perspective. And in a lot of ways it did. But it didn't just have wins, it had losses. And those moments of failure are what made it real. They're also what made me stop the movie several times just to process what I'm getting myself into.
When you work in the lowest income urban public schools you expect the violence and drugs, homelessness and gangs, rape culture, home violence, home abuse and neglection. But I think it's easy to forget how all of that generates fear in every. single. person. in that classroom. It's a culture of war and fear that starts at birth for many and is not contained to schools and is not contained to one race or class or geography. It's wide spread and in many ways ubiquitous in our public school system.
Some of the best teachers, in reality not just in their film portrayals, are those who make their goal as a teacher to break this culture for their students. Not just in the classroom, but as a pattern and a life choice that their students make to no longer participate actively or passively in the war they are living. And to fight against it with peace. As a teacher the freedom to run your classroom that is required to facilitate this type of growth is rarely given. You have to bend some rules, make up new lesson plans and ideas, try things that are not in anyway part of the sanctioned curriculum. I think "Freedom Writers" made a strong portrayal for the resistance you can meet here as a teacher. Swank's character had to fight constantly for control of her classroom with other teachers, school administrators, district administrators and the school board. This resistance is real in many ways for the reasons the film laid out: taking on this goal and accomplishing it means taking risks and actions that are not replicable with any student body, and therefore don't fit the idea of a national education system.
The resistance is rooted in this concept of the greatest good for the greatest number over the greatest amount of time (which, yes is a sustainability concept from Gifford Pinchot, but I'm an Environmental Science major, what do you want from me?). Utilitarianism. Wherein you write off some students so that the majority of students can succeed. You write off some students? You give up on them as individuals? As human beings? As organisms? If even once in my life I had been on the receiving end of that apathy I would have broken completely in two. And that's what a centralized education system tells us to do. Write the curriculum that will teach the greatest number and ignore the 5% that don't understand because they're purely kinesthetic learners and you used verbal and written language to explain the concept.
How can we be this nation, and support a concept like that for our children? How can we be any nation, any identity, any collection of people and passively support a system that doesn't give teachers the freedom to run their own classrooms? But then how can we know that teachers are using their autonomy "correctly"? And what is "correctly"? Do you define it? Do I? Do we? That really was the aspect of the film that I felt was best executed. The Department Head was a well intentioned woman with a modern and well accepted pedagogy standing in the way of something that I feel is morally correct. If I was apathetic to the thing she opposed would it be okay? If I was against the thing she opposed (agreed with her) would it be heroic? And who among us gets to decide the morality of a pedagogy or goal a teacher might hold?
And this is why I'm terrified and positively anxious to be a teacher. I love these questions and the policy debate surrounding them. I love being in the classroom with these students trying to undertake these goals. I know there will be so many obstacles in my way, more than I can ever imagine. But it's exciting to see that kind of path and purpose laid out before you. So scared or not, I think I'm ready.
Too bad (not even) that I have a year in Germany between now and when I start my grad school!
When you work in the lowest income urban public schools you expect the violence and drugs, homelessness and gangs, rape culture, home violence, home abuse and neglection. But I think it's easy to forget how all of that generates fear in every. single. person. in that classroom. It's a culture of war and fear that starts at birth for many and is not contained to schools and is not contained to one race or class or geography. It's wide spread and in many ways ubiquitous in our public school system.
Some of the best teachers, in reality not just in their film portrayals, are those who make their goal as a teacher to break this culture for their students. Not just in the classroom, but as a pattern and a life choice that their students make to no longer participate actively or passively in the war they are living. And to fight against it with peace. As a teacher the freedom to run your classroom that is required to facilitate this type of growth is rarely given. You have to bend some rules, make up new lesson plans and ideas, try things that are not in anyway part of the sanctioned curriculum. I think "Freedom Writers" made a strong portrayal for the resistance you can meet here as a teacher. Swank's character had to fight constantly for control of her classroom with other teachers, school administrators, district administrators and the school board. This resistance is real in many ways for the reasons the film laid out: taking on this goal and accomplishing it means taking risks and actions that are not replicable with any student body, and therefore don't fit the idea of a national education system.
The resistance is rooted in this concept of the greatest good for the greatest number over the greatest amount of time (which, yes is a sustainability concept from Gifford Pinchot, but I'm an Environmental Science major, what do you want from me?). Utilitarianism. Wherein you write off some students so that the majority of students can succeed. You write off some students? You give up on them as individuals? As human beings? As organisms? If even once in my life I had been on the receiving end of that apathy I would have broken completely in two. And that's what a centralized education system tells us to do. Write the curriculum that will teach the greatest number and ignore the 5% that don't understand because they're purely kinesthetic learners and you used verbal and written language to explain the concept.
How can we be this nation, and support a concept like that for our children? How can we be any nation, any identity, any collection of people and passively support a system that doesn't give teachers the freedom to run their own classrooms? But then how can we know that teachers are using their autonomy "correctly"? And what is "correctly"? Do you define it? Do I? Do we? That really was the aspect of the film that I felt was best executed. The Department Head was a well intentioned woman with a modern and well accepted pedagogy standing in the way of something that I feel is morally correct. If I was apathetic to the thing she opposed would it be okay? If I was against the thing she opposed (agreed with her) would it be heroic? And who among us gets to decide the morality of a pedagogy or goal a teacher might hold?
And this is why I'm terrified and positively anxious to be a teacher. I love these questions and the policy debate surrounding them. I love being in the classroom with these students trying to undertake these goals. I know there will be so many obstacles in my way, more than I can ever imagine. But it's exciting to see that kind of path and purpose laid out before you. So scared or not, I think I'm ready.
Too bad (not even) that I have a year in Germany between now and when I start my grad school!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
The 10 Day Countdown
Welcome! My entire life is being turned upside down in the next 10 days. And that's some kind of terrifying. This morning I took my last final of undergrad. With that final step everything accept for graduation and final thesis edits are done for my undergraduate career. (Thank goodness!)
After this I have to finish packing my apartment, graduate, celebrate, and move. To Germany. For a year. But then again you probably new all of this.
Once I leave I'll be trying to post weekly updates on any travel/experiences/happenings that seem relevant. But for now, I'm laying in "bed," a futon mattress that can be transported in a hatchback so it stayed in the apartment after moving part 1, dealing with stress by watching bad TV. And not going to lie, having a little bit of a panic attack. But there are books and kids and passport stamps and posts much more interesting than this in our future: so we breathe through the panic.
Movies and television played during the process of writing that down:
"The Parent Trap" (1998)
"Sex and the City" (2002-2003 season)
"Switched at Birth" (most recent episode)
"Gilmore Girls" (end of season 4)
Hey I finished college, I deserve television.
After this I have to finish packing my apartment, graduate, celebrate, and move. To Germany. For a year. But then again you probably new all of this.
Once I leave I'll be trying to post weekly updates on any travel/experiences/happenings that seem relevant. But for now, I'm laying in "bed," a futon mattress that can be transported in a hatchback so it stayed in the apartment after moving part 1, dealing with stress by watching bad TV. And not going to lie, having a little bit of a panic attack. But there are books and kids and passport stamps and posts much more interesting than this in our future: so we breathe through the panic.
Movies and television played during the process of writing that down:
"The Parent Trap" (1998)
"Sex and the City" (2002-2003 season)
"Switched at Birth" (most recent episode)
"Gilmore Girls" (end of season 4)
Hey I finished college, I deserve television.
Friday, June 7, 2013
2 weeks
The 2 week countdown has more than begun. It is fully upon us. The fact that it's bringing on severe senioritis and I have a paper due at midnight and some thesis editing to do this weekend is probably not good. But it's here none the less. And amazingly, it gets closer every day.
I got really excited yesterday when I looked up my soon-to-be home town on tumblr. Beautiful pictures below!
I got really excited yesterday when I looked up my soon-to-be home town on tumblr. Beautiful pictures below!
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Lulla-babies
In Germany I'll be an Au Pair to two young kids and I've been trying to plan for that, being thoughtful about what sort of material I need to bring with me for their entertainment and our relationships. So in procrastination of actually working on my thesis I've been looking into lullabies (okay not actually in procrastination, just this weekend while I have a draft being edited and I can't really do work anyways). I always hated the idea of children's music. It's engaging sure, but it's surface engagement. They like the songs about bouncing up and down and that damn frog who went a courtin'. But those songs don't challenge them, don't give them the opportunity to appreciate something real. So in choosing lullabies I want to learn I went looking for songs that are actual songs and just make beautiful songs for the middle of the night when your five-year-old has a nightmare. And after a LONG search, I've found my pick: "I'm Gonna Be" covered by Sleep At Last (thanks Greys Anatomy).
I love this song in real life, and have had so many great moments to the original, and I'm so excited to share it with these kids. It makes a beautiful lullaby and I think it will be a little more comforting and less melancholy a Capella.
In case you're wondering, I also came up with a list before finding this track of potential real songs turned lullaby.
41 days until I leave people!
I love this song in real life, and have had so many great moments to the original, and I'm so excited to share it with these kids. It makes a beautiful lullaby and I think it will be a little more comforting and less melancholy a Capella.
In case you're wondering, I also came up with a list before finding this track of potential real songs turned lullaby.
- "Never Neverland" from the Mary Martin Peter Pan (one of my fave movies as a kid)
- "Distant Melody" also from Peter Pan and just beautiful
- "Que Sera Sera" made famous by Dorris Day (something my Granny always sang to me)
- "Where or When" the Harry Connick Jr. version
- "You Belong To Me" the Jason Wade version
- And "Lullaby" which I know from On The Rocks but is a little sad for a five year old.
41 days until I leave people!
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Talking with my Father
Prepare thyself for the angst of a confused twenty-something blogger who is leaving her best friend:
There was a point in my life when my dad really was my best friend. We lived together, just the two of us. And we spent so much time together in a way that should have made us hate each other, but we didn't. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it was awful. The slowly diminishing voice of my mother that's still stuck in the back of my head says that I called her "all the time in tears because of something terrible he'd done." But that wasn't all the time, it was only when his stress and my stress collided and caused me to feel overwhelmed and in need of escape. I couldn't live with him anymore. But sometimes it's nice to feel like someone you are connected to by blood is your best friend.
Some days we're all tired and worn out and feeling dejected. And so we try to talk ourselves out of it. Or make more tea to suppress it. But really all we need is our best friend to call on the phone. Just to check in. And then to talk to us for 45 minutes because they actually care that much about you and you actually care that much about them. And sometimes those talks make you cry silently, if only because the support you are receiving in such a necessary and unexpected way is making you feel complete for the first time in weeks. This is my dad for me.
Sometimes my mom.
Almost always my dad. He makes me make sense to other people. Heck, he makes me make sense to myself.
I remember one time, during freshman year when all of my friends were new, and they hadn't heard the whole story but they got the jist of the experiences in my life that had shaped me into the person I am. We were driving back down to school after Thanksgiving. I was in the front with my dad driving and everyone had fallen silent and there was some Beatles CD on loud enough to cover up the sound of the road but soft enough that I thought everyone in the back might be asleep. And my dad and I were both humming along to the first track, and then singing along to ourselves with the second, and then harmonizing by the third. It wasn't until the last track on the album that I got a text from the back seat exclaiming our adorableness. That was the first time they really got it. That moment was as important to our friendships as any other, and I can't really explain why without just showing you. Without just me and my dad coexisting in your presence.
So it's particularly scary, in all the mess of things I'm trying to deal with in order to graduate and leave and still go to grad school soon, to realize that I'm going to loose this. I'm going to loose the support and the contact that kick-starts me when I'm drowning. I won't be able to call every time I'm glum. I won't be able to tell him the stories of what I did this weekend, or talk endlessly about work and school and friends. And because I'm loosing those little things, it also means that I'm loosing the bigger things. Visits, trips, vacations, weekends home. He won't be there to introduce to the new friends when they finally realize how weird I am. He makes me make sense. So without him, there seems to be this very big chance that I won't make sense to people. Because until you've heard the whole story and seen that I'm not exaggerating, my brokenness is difficult to understand.
#skype is going to save my mind when I live abroad.
Music:
Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, "Endless Love"
The Beatles, "Fixing a Hole"
Foster the People, "Pumped Up Kicks"
There was a point in my life when my dad really was my best friend. We lived together, just the two of us. And we spent so much time together in a way that should have made us hate each other, but we didn't. Don't get me wrong, sometimes it was awful. The slowly diminishing voice of my mother that's still stuck in the back of my head says that I called her "all the time in tears because of something terrible he'd done." But that wasn't all the time, it was only when his stress and my stress collided and caused me to feel overwhelmed and in need of escape. I couldn't live with him anymore. But sometimes it's nice to feel like someone you are connected to by blood is your best friend.
Some days we're all tired and worn out and feeling dejected. And so we try to talk ourselves out of it. Or make more tea to suppress it. But really all we need is our best friend to call on the phone. Just to check in. And then to talk to us for 45 minutes because they actually care that much about you and you actually care that much about them. And sometimes those talks make you cry silently, if only because the support you are receiving in such a necessary and unexpected way is making you feel complete for the first time in weeks. This is my dad for me.
Sometimes my mom.
Almost always my dad. He makes me make sense to other people. Heck, he makes me make sense to myself.
I remember one time, during freshman year when all of my friends were new, and they hadn't heard the whole story but they got the jist of the experiences in my life that had shaped me into the person I am. We were driving back down to school after Thanksgiving. I was in the front with my dad driving and everyone had fallen silent and there was some Beatles CD on loud enough to cover up the sound of the road but soft enough that I thought everyone in the back might be asleep. And my dad and I were both humming along to the first track, and then singing along to ourselves with the second, and then harmonizing by the third. It wasn't until the last track on the album that I got a text from the back seat exclaiming our adorableness. That was the first time they really got it. That moment was as important to our friendships as any other, and I can't really explain why without just showing you. Without just me and my dad coexisting in your presence.
So it's particularly scary, in all the mess of things I'm trying to deal with in order to graduate and leave and still go to grad school soon, to realize that I'm going to loose this. I'm going to loose the support and the contact that kick-starts me when I'm drowning. I won't be able to call every time I'm glum. I won't be able to tell him the stories of what I did this weekend, or talk endlessly about work and school and friends. And because I'm loosing those little things, it also means that I'm loosing the bigger things. Visits, trips, vacations, weekends home. He won't be there to introduce to the new friends when they finally realize how weird I am. He makes me make sense. So without him, there seems to be this very big chance that I won't make sense to people. Because until you've heard the whole story and seen that I'm not exaggerating, my brokenness is difficult to understand.
#skype is going to save my mind when I live abroad.
Music:
Diana Ross and Lionel Richie, "Endless Love"
The Beatles, "Fixing a Hole"
Foster the People, "Pumped Up Kicks"
Monday, April 8, 2013
Update!
Contracts: signed and being mailed today
Tickets: purchased, printed and (not so) safely in my mother's hands
Grad School: admitted, tuition deposit paid, waiting to hear about deferral and scholarships
And with 71 days until graduation, 75 days until Canada, and 83 days until Germany, life is nothing but a pile of thesis.
Back to that overly large paper I suppose.
Music:
Mumford & Sons, "Where Are You Now"
Carrie Fletcher, "When I'm Gone (the cup song)"
Carrie Fletcher and Alex Day, "This Kiss"
Tickets: purchased, printed and (not so) safely in my mother's hands
Grad School: admitted, tuition deposit paid, waiting to hear about deferral and scholarships
And with 71 days until graduation, 75 days until Canada, and 83 days until Germany, life is nothing but a pile of thesis.
Back to that overly large paper I suppose.
Music:
Mumford & Sons, "Where Are You Now"
Carrie Fletcher, "When I'm Gone (the cup song)"
Carrie Fletcher and Alex Day, "This Kiss"
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Side Trips
Okay, I've purchased my tickets, my contracts are being sent on Monday, and my top grad school application is complete! Which means of course that it's time to ignore my school commitments and write a blog post about potential side trips for my stay in Germany.
I've been working out the calculations and there are two factors really determining how much travel I'll get to do while I'm working: the time I get off (2 days/month worked) and funds (roughly $4,117 is going towards England/Ireland travel after I'm done working which leaves only $2,133 for spending money during the first 12 months). And at this point I've lost most of you because I actually have a budget that's got a running calculation of budgeted funds, funds spent, budget remaining and I've also graphed it. Have I mentioned that my dad is a math teacher? It's my hope that I can manage at least 10 side trips for the 12 months I'll be working. 10 awesome weekend side trips that if I coordinate it with my host family will be 2-5 days long.
At this point let me say that I am a crazy control freak who is hyper-organized and planful. If I hadn't been doing research off and on for the last few months I'd be going insane right now. Luckily for my side of the internet I did do my research. I poured over train tables and flight schedules, read and watched more Rick Steve's than I care to admit, went through photo albums to see what I've already done and just don't vividly remember, and every time I've found an interesting picture of a place on tumblr I've added it to a google map. I warned you, I'm a crazy control freak. From all of this information I think I've successfully narrowed down the potential trips to the list below. They come in no particular order, for the most part. And I'd really like your feedback. Whether you know me personally and have a vested interest, or you just really loved one of the cities I mention, please let me know in the comments. You can also check out the google map to see what things specifically I'm planning on seeing in each city and leave a comment if there are great things that I'm missing out on!
*fun story about Le Simpsons, the episode where Bart gets sent to France and is forced to work as a child laborer and then suddenly starts speaking French. They duped the French in French and put in French subtitles.
New Feature: Music while writing this post!
You Belong To Me, Jason Wade
I and Love and You, Avett Brothers
Vienna, Billy Joel
Home, Bell from "Beauty and the Beast"
I've been working out the calculations and there are two factors really determining how much travel I'll get to do while I'm working: the time I get off (2 days/month worked) and funds (roughly $4,117 is going towards England/Ireland travel after I'm done working which leaves only $2,133 for spending money during the first 12 months). And at this point I've lost most of you because I actually have a budget that's got a running calculation of budgeted funds, funds spent, budget remaining and I've also graphed it. Have I mentioned that my dad is a math teacher? It's my hope that I can manage at least 10 side trips for the 12 months I'll be working. 10 awesome weekend side trips that if I coordinate it with my host family will be 2-5 days long.
At this point let me say that I am a crazy control freak who is hyper-organized and planful. If I hadn't been doing research off and on for the last few months I'd be going insane right now. Luckily for my side of the internet I did do my research. I poured over train tables and flight schedules, read and watched more Rick Steve's than I care to admit, went through photo albums to see what I've already done and just don't vividly remember, and every time I've found an interesting picture of a place on tumblr I've added it to a google map. I warned you, I'm a crazy control freak. From all of this information I think I've successfully narrowed down the potential trips to the list below. They come in no particular order, for the most part. And I'd really like your feedback. Whether you know me personally and have a vested interest, or you just really loved one of the cities I mention, please let me know in the comments. You can also check out the google map to see what things specifically I'm planning on seeing in each city and leave a comment if there are great things that I'm missing out on!
- Barcelona, Spain--I'd really like to go to Barcelona during one of the big festivals, but other than that it is my replacement for going to Rome (though I suppose I may go to Rome again). Priorities: (street) art, cathedrals, alcohol... maybe not in that order.
- Brugge, Belgium--My dad went to Brugge without me on my last trip to Europe and it was all he could talk about once we got back. Keep in mind that we went to Paris on this trip, and when we got home he was still saying how sad he was that I hadn't seen all the awesome things in Brugge! I'm not sure what that list entails yet, but I know it comes strongly recommended from the Vatti.
- Stockholm, Sweden--the thing I'm most excited about in Stockholm is the library. And while it's a pretty amazing looking library I'm guessing that this is a 4 day trip with a day for travel each way. It's also an early trip, maybe in August or October because it's just too cold for a Pacific Northwester to handle in the dead of winter.
- Budapest, Hungary--I've never been able to get to Eastern Europe, so cities Buda and Pest here I come (more than a little blindly). I'm hoping that I can contract one of my new friends from Germany into traveling to this one with me as the language barrier, cultural cuisine and my dietary restrictions conflict, a lot.
- Dubrovnik, Croatia--I have friends in Germany who vacation here often and their photos are always amazing! It's right on the coast, easy to get to and a low-stress vacation. I'm hoping I can tag along some time, cutting down on my expenses and getting to see a whole new, gorgeous country that not a lot of Americans get the chance to see. I estimate it to be a 3 day trip.
- Balchik, Bulgaria--I honestly don't remember what's up in Bulgaria, but it's another country and two more stamps in that passport (which brings up the issue: what happens if I fill up my passport before it's time to come back to the states?).
- Kleven' Lake, Ukraine--Looking at pictures this is one of the best nature preserves to visit in the world. I think I actually chose this location based on a Nova show where they were saying that this is the place that is amazing because no one goes there. But it's amazing so you should go, just not too many of you. It's really out of the way and hard to get to (like figure out if I can rent a car in the Ukraine kind of hard to get to), so please let me know if you've heard of it or you think it's worth the trip.
- Berlin, Germany--One of my favorite professors will be working at the Institute for the History of Science in Berlin, and he's officially offered to take me around the institute. Also he has an adorable child so I will exchange baby sitting for site seeing.
- Fez, Morocco--If you have been following the tumblr or reading these posts for awhile then you know that I'm super pumped about Fez. It's a place so different to everything I've ever been exposed to that I feel like I can't not go. If there was ever a color scheme or sense of place that I wanted to instill in my own home it would have to be some mixture of Georgian architecture with Moroccan flares.
- Paris, France--I've been here. It was nice. It was also the last week of my 7 week stay in Europe. My cat died the day before we got there. It was summer and hot and very touristy. And we ultimately just wanted to go home and so we spent time each day laying in our hotel room watching the French duped Le Simpsons*.
- Shetland Islands, U.K.--because ponies. And then because their new advertising campaign is ponies in sweaters.
- Copenhagen, Denmark--I hear Copenhagen is pretty awesome, but I can't remember why. Would someone please tell me why I have a vague recollection of being told that Copenhagen is awesome?
- Jerusalem, Israel--I've spent this last term studying the conflict in Northern Ireland as taught by a Israeli expat. I've toyed and more than toyed with the idea of exploring Judaism. And if you have any religion at all I feel that at some point in your life, you should see Jerusalem. If you want to work in any kind of international politics, you should see Jerusalem. If you want to have an opinion when you read the NYT, you should see Jerusalem. I'd like to see Jerusalem.
*fun story about Le Simpsons, the episode where Bart gets sent to France and is forced to work as a child laborer and then suddenly starts speaking French. They duped the French in French and put in French subtitles.
New Feature: Music while writing this post!
You Belong To Me, Jason Wade
I and Love and You, Avett Brothers
Vienna, Billy Joel
Home, Bell from "Beauty and the Beast"
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
One Hundered and Elvensies
Today is day 111 until graduation. I'm looking at plane tickets, scheduling flights, planning out Canada, and then getting back to all the work I have to do in the next 111 days.
Let the countdown commence.
Things coming soon:
Shopping
International Credit Cards
Picking an Au Pair family you can stick with
The Contract process
Visas and travel
12 trips in 12 months
Packing for 12 months in 1 bag
For now:
Let the countdown commence.
Things coming soon:
Shopping
International Credit Cards
Picking an Au Pair family you can stick with
The Contract process
Visas and travel
12 trips in 12 months
Packing for 12 months in 1 bag
For now:
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
The Anticipation of Nostalgia
I made the mistake of using my break today to watch the final episode of Gilmore Girls. 45 minutes of crying later... I'm finally realizing how hard leaving and graduating and actually growing up is going to be. I'm 95% sure that I've found my Au Pair family, and with my #1 choice of grad school application complete I'm hoping for a 14 month timeline. That is, if I get into my top choice I'll be with this family for 12 months and traveling for 2 months after that before moving to New York. It's exhilarating and happy and absolutely terrifying. The fear comes in waves, like psychological nausea: I'm going to move across the world, live with people who I've never met, travel to places I haven't even seen pictures of, I'm not going to see my parents in person for 14 months, I won't know anyone where I'm going, I don't really speak the language, I'm going to miss Christmas and birthdays and 2 Fourth of July's.
I haven't been able to make my brain wrap around the idea of applying for graduation yet. Staving off senioritis and all. But I have to plan for Germany and Canada and the next year now, it's unavoidable and incredibly painful.
I know that it will be better and more difficult than I can possibly imagine. Logic tells me that the memories will be divine. But my innate humanness--the part of me that always yearns for home and wants things to stay the same because change is scary--she's mourning saying goodbye to the people I love for so long. And so I sit here and watch Rory Gilmore graduate, get a job and leave and I can't help but cry in anticipation of the things I will one day leave behind.
It's quite a large cliff to jump off of. You know?
I haven't been able to make my brain wrap around the idea of applying for graduation yet. Staving off senioritis and all. But I have to plan for Germany and Canada and the next year now, it's unavoidable and incredibly painful.
I know that it will be better and more difficult than I can possibly imagine. Logic tells me that the memories will be divine. But my innate humanness--the part of me that always yearns for home and wants things to stay the same because change is scary--she's mourning saying goodbye to the people I love for so long. And so I sit here and watch Rory Gilmore graduate, get a job and leave and I can't help but cry in anticipation of the things I will one day leave behind.
It's quite a large cliff to jump off of. You know?
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