1.5 days... oh God.

So I graduated, and then slept, and then partied it up, and then moved, and then went to doctors and dentists for stuffs and finally I'm home, busy as all get out with packing, playlist making, preping parents for my departure, and finishing the clothes shopping that I've had to do for the last few weeks (I have no more pants!).

But you have my attention for a moment and in return I give you my favorite photos from graduation.

The 10 Day Countdown

Welcome! My entire life is being turned upside down in the next 10 days. And that's some kind of terrifying. This morning I took my last final of undergrad. With that final step everything accept for graduation and final thesis edits are done for my undergraduate career. (Thank goodness!)

After this I have to finish packing my apartment, graduate, celebrate, and move. To Germany. For a year. But then again you probably new all of this.

Once I leave I'll be trying to post weekly updates on any travel/experiences/happenings that seem relevant. But for now, I'm laying in "bed," a futon mattress that can be transported in a hatchback so it stayed in the apartment after moving part 1, dealing with stress by watching bad TV. And not going to lie, having a little bit of a panic attack. But there are books and kids and passport stamps and posts much more interesting than this in our future: so we breathe through the panic.

Movies and television played during the process of writing that down:

"The Parent Trap" (1998)
"Sex and the City" (2002-2003 season)
"Switched at Birth" (most recent episode)
"Gilmore Girls" (end of season 4)

Hey I finished college, I deserve television.

Breaking An Agreement

I've had a contract with a family to be their Au Pair over this next summer, fall and winter, and we've reached a point where it's time to break it. I'm a very planful person, I feel uncomfortable not knowing that I have a plan for the next three years, let alone this next summer, but I've reached a critical mass of conflicting expectations with this family of mine. I've found many other families which I am better suited to and I'm happy to be exploring the opportunity of joining a new family again but this time I'm coming in with a list of expectations.

1. Be located in or around Munich (so that I can fall back on close family friends when needed)
2. Have easy access to a large city/a place with books written in English
3. Don't need to share a bathroom with the family
4. The family doesn't smoke
5. No more than 2 children
6. No children younger than 4 (or 3 currently)

A lot of this list has to do with knowing what I'll be happiest living in and what my skill sets are. But it's also about recognizing when you really aren't a good fit with someone and stop forcing it to work. I've lived with people who I love but just am not compatible with. I've tried a couple of relationships with people I like but just don't value, or love but just can't be happy with. It's really difficult to recognize the basic things you need from any relationship. And when you're talking about opportunities and the things you are really excited for it's easy to jump into a contract, or a title, or bed a little too quickly. I was surprised to find how much more I needed from the family I will end up with, but it's made me realize how much I short change myself on a regular basis because I'm just too excited to stop and think.

And to my good friend out there, who I love, and who's pretty heart broken right now: we like what we know and what's comfortable. We love without reason or caring. And while the song was right, and breaking up is hard to do, staying in a relationship when you can't make the other person happy is the third worst kind of relationship to be in. I'm not going to push you in any way, to make any kind of decision or take any kind of action. You need to get over this in the way you choose, but as soon as you know what you need, just ask and I'll be there in a heartbeat.

I'm pretty sure you don't even know about this but I needed to put it out there someway.

This Scheisse Is Getting Real

While I still haven't made up my mind about what family I'm going to adopt on my way to backpacking around Ireland, I'm definitely tripping down the road. I've been offered a position with a pretty fantastic German family, and I'm just waiting it out now until I'm sure I can't find an Irish family I mesh with as well. And while that's pretty cool and all, it's also making all of my decisions real. The decision to postpone grad school for a year, the decision to graduate with a double major, the decision to write a thesis, the decision to follow every college cliche and escape to Europe post expensive higher education escapades. It can easily become overwhelming when I think of all the decisions I make by signing a simple au pair contract.

Ireland or Germany, it's nine months living in Europe. Hopefully dreams and planning can help me make up my mind.

Gute Nacht!
Ellbow