Why Gossip With Your Neighbors Is A Good Thing

I've been in Germany all of 2.5 months, and I just now had my first, non-awkward, open conversation with the neighbors. Until today I tried not to intrude on any of them. But sometimes a nice lady comes to your door because the kids just got picked up (#notagain), and offers you a coffee. A much better prospect than packing my "not going to Belgium" suitcase.

And so we coffeed and chatted. Within 3 minutes the conversation began to center around why I'm leaving. As I feared, my host mother is going around spreading the world that I had issues with the kids, didn't like them because they were so young, and have decided to leave in order to work with a family with older children. Let me state now for the record that that is in my opinion a total and complete falsehood. Though in giving her the benefit of the doubt I'm hoping this is Tina's version of positive spin for her.

For me it's hurtful and degrading. It makes it sound like this was my idea, that I initiated it, and like I've been miserable for the last 2.5 months. My truth: Tina came to me, she initiated it. I decided to leave because I felt (FEEL) misunderstood and even more than that, I feel that they don't WANT to understand me. And I didn't have a clue what I would be doing at the time I decided to quit. I thought I might go work with horses. That I will be with another family is a result of independent thought, not a reflection of my current situation.

On the bright side I was repeatedly backed up by both neighbors about everything: the parents personality, the kids behavior problems, that they don't need an Au Pair, that they haven't given me a proper chance, that this is both strange and unjust in terms of employer-employee decorum, and that I am not the problem. There's a part of me that feels bad, listening to others talk about my family and adding to that conversation. But there's a part of me that also feels relief. For the third time I have been fully supported by people who are objective partakers in my leaving. I am starting to know more than just believe, that I am not the problem here.

Now gossiping with neighbors is dangerous and can lead to bad blood, so I'm thinking I won't be sharing this blog with Tina and Mike. Ever. But if you're having an issue or feeling admonished or defeated or disrespected, speaking with the neighbors can give you an objective opinion that is not based around social decorum and subjective support, but honest feelings from people who see you live your life every day. Especially when these people are Germans. Germans don't give a damn about hurting your feelings with brutal honesty. Who'd waste their time with that?